An Australian man has recounted the thrill – and mayhem – of living with nearly 2000 animals, many of which are capable of killing him, his fiancée, and his children with a single bite.
Chris Humfrey, a naturalist and educator, lives alongside 18 crocodiles, 200 snakes (many of them dangerous), a pack of dingoes, and fatal funnel web spiders and scorpions on his property in Victoria’s Macedon Ranges, about an hour from Melbourne.
At any one moment, hundreds of creatures may be found within the house, which also houses his two teenage daughters, Tasha, 16, and Charlie, 18, as well as his girlfriend Erin, a fellow naturalist.
The family accepts polished concrete flooring instead of carpets at their wild action zoo house, dubbed ZooHQ, to reduce odors and allow for simple hosing away of the daily mess.
‘We don’t have shagpile carpet in our home because it wouldn’t last long,’ Mr Humfrey, 48, told Daily Mail Australia.
‘There is sometimes a scent, but we all have stinky family members, don’t we?’
He quips that the family’s lone security system is the four dingoes who alert him when anything is wrong. Penguins, koalas, Tasmanian Devils, possums, frogs, turtles, owls, tiger quolls, and peregrine falcons – the fastest animal on the planet, capable of swooping on food at 320km/hr – are among the numerous species kept by the family.
The falcon is only a threat to smaller birds or rodents, which are strangely the most fearsome of his prey.
‘I’m terrified of rats and mice.’ If I see them, I s*** my trousers and climb on a chair,’ Mr Humfrey said. ‘I understand people’s dread of crocs and snakes, but my illogical fear is of little fuzzy animals racing over the ground, so I’m extremely cautious where I stand at night.’
‘I can grab a Taipan (the world’s deadliest snake), yet I shy away from rodents.’ That’s why I have 200 pet snakes, which devour rats and mice.’
His snakes include pythons and dangerous snakes like death adders and copperheads, but he doesn’t have any browns right now, though he has in the past.
He has never been deterred by fear. He lives by the adage, “If you’re not afraid at least once a day, you’re not living.”
He views the various creatures on his property that are capable of murdering humans to be ‘beautiful’ or ‘wonderful.’
However, their desire to devour his or anybody else’s human family – or the household’s one regular pet, a Dalmatian – necessitates continual surveillance.
Mr Humfrey adheres to hundreds of precise occupational health and safety standards, such as tagging and counting the lethal bugs.
So why does he endanger himself – and his family?
Mr. Humfreys thinks that his house will bring humans closer to animals, making them appreciate their worth and encouraging them to maintain animal habitats.
While he is an ardent environmentalist, he opposes radical movements such as Climate Rebellion. ‘You can’t meddle with people’s daily lives because they won’t listen,’ says the author.
He likes to motivate others to care for animals in order to effect change.
One thing he wishes to see is the confinement of household cats.
‘Few people realize that wild and domestic cats kill 70 million native species every night.
‘Are they not little tigers?’
Mr Humfrey, a qualified biologist, gives school groups excursions and brings animals into classrooms.
He defines it as a hybrid of an animal hotel and a hospital.
‘The idea is that if you have empathy and have fun, you will make better environmental choices and care for animals.’
He’s also the author of numerous books, the most recent of which is on insects and is utilized in schools all around the country.
He’s also the author of numerous books, the most recent of which is on insects and is utilized in schools all around the country.
He’s also the author of numerous books, the most recent of which is on insects and is utilized in schools all around the country.
As a child, his parents, a teacher and a nurse, introduced him to animals by taking him on family vacations.
‘Jumping the fence and racing into the paddocks was my way of getting to church or the movies.’
He has a 45-year-old frog that he rescued from a urinal in Coffs Harbour when he was three. The frog, whose he nicknamed Freddo, is now 45 years old and’my dearest buddy.’
He also has a turtle that has been with him for 39 years, since he was nine years old.
Mr Humfrey describes life with 2000 animals as “a dream come true and a nightmare.”
He works up to 18 hours a day, has too much responsibility for the animals – “particularly the infants” – to ever go on vacation, and dreams about the animals every night.
‘Things become crazy busy, we fool around for shots like it’s a circus, but we’re playing god with captive creatures here.’
‘It’s an honor and a tremendous responsibility, and we have to do the right thing.’
Mr. Humfrey said that he had “learned a lot” from animals.
‘When you raise animals, you realize they’re no different from people – they want security, a hug, a decent meal, and they want to interact with us.’
They want to be a part of your world once they trust you, yet we humans have stolen their world away from them in many areas via habitat loss and land clearance.
‘We are a greedy species,’ says one.
Mr Humfrey, who still eats meat, quit eating kangaroo in his twenties after hand-rearing many roos.
‘I was told it was lean and sustainable, but when you see their huge doey eyes staring up at you, I simply can’t do it,’ she says. The family provides extensive nursing and care for newborn and endangered animals.
‘We now have 69 extremely endangered mountain pygmy possums residing in the wine cellar.’
‘There’s always a birth, death, or marriage going on here.’
But, he adds, pleasure may be found everywhere. The animals are considered members of the family.
‘Some of the penguins we have hatched from eggs in my hands.’ The kookaburra believes I’m his father, and when I laugh, he laughs as well.’
That doesn’t mean he and his family aren’t on high alert. He is certain that one of the reptiles, the three-metre saltwater croc known as ‘Terminator,’ is anxiously waiting for the opportunity to ‘get’ someone who comes into her cage half asleep.
‘She’d appreciate it as well. But that’s what they’re made for, and it’s what makes them so beautiful.’
He also has four cassowaries at ZooHQ, which have been nicknamed “the world’s most lethal bird” because to their dagger-like claws.
One is so evil that the family refers to it as a “psycho” and avoids it.
Mr Humfrey is eager to remind out that not all cassowaries are harmful, and that they are typically only violent while protecting their young.
Keep an eye out in the situation.
In 2019, a cassowary kicked its owner, Marvin Hajos, to death in the United States.
Mr. Hajos, 75, made the error of collapsing in his yard.
‘We have one called Sticky Beak that we can pat,’ Mr Humfrey said. ‘We also have one dubbed Psycho; you can’t go in his cage with him because he’ll disembowel you no problem.’
‘But he’s still gorgeous,’ she says.
Mr Humfrey described hiding in a tree for four hours after he backed into a cassowary, which attacked him every time he attempted to climb down as “the most thrilling day of my life.”
He also said that kangaroos might be a source of concern.
‘I’m often rescued by one of our male kangaroos. You may think they’re adorable and fluffy, but this guy weighs 90 kg and has the physique of Mike Tyson. He also attempts to box me.
‘He also has razor-sharp talons and could disembowel you if he so desired.’
Chris Humfrey’s Coolest Creepy Crawlies, New Holland Publishers, is available in bookshops or online at www.newhollandpublishers.com.
