DEAR ABBY:
I ended my 12-year marriage to my spouse. We were together for sixteen years. We had a 4-year-old child at the time of our divorce. For fear of losing my 401(k) or having to pay him alimony, I did not request child support. I was aware that he could not afford it at the time. Since getting a decent employment, he has not offered financial support to his daughter. Because of this, my new fiance has no respect for him.
I have let it go to preserve the calm so that we can co-parent and so that my now nine-year-old daughter does not have to witness the conflict. This is becoming a problem during the holidays, as we have always celebrated with her. She’s come to appreciate that we do this for her. However, my fiancée does not wish to participate in these special occasions. He doesn’t want to risk losing his temper in front of my daughter because he believes she won’t mind.
This is stressing out our relationship. Is it inappropriate for me to want him to pretend so that we can all get along? Or is he in error for making alternative arrangements to avoid these circumstances? — FOR HER SAKE IN GEORGIA
DEAR FOR HER SAKE: Since your ex-husband’s situation has improved since the divorce, engage him in a mature conversation. Many former partners would not have been as considerate as you have been. Because he can now afford it, he should contribute to his daughter’s upbringing. If you are able to reach an agreement, have an attorney draft a contract. However, if he is unwilling to take responsibility, you should contact a family law attorney to discuss your next actions.
Additionally, your personal circumstances have changed since your engagement. Your fiancé should not be compelled to interact with your ex if he feels uneasy doing so.
»My Ex-husband refuses to pay child support«
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